Do I really want to do this?

Well, this week has been incredibly hectic (which explains why I haven’t posted in a while). I’m doing a musical theater workshop at my soon-to-be school every morning from 9:30 to 3 (I help out with the little kids in the morning and do my own in the afternoon), and after that I worked at a theater program for underprivileged children until 6. Oh, and last night I babysit until 2:30 in the morning (oy!). So yeah, I’ve been a bit busy here recently.

Anyways, let me tell you about this musical theater program. In short, it’s been a bit of a nightmare. Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration… but I have not enjoyed it in the least. However, I think signing up for it really was a good thing as it helped me realize something. I don’t enjoy musical theater anymore. The acting and singing part I love, but the dancing is absolute torture for me. I’m one of the worst dancers in the class, and I still haven’t caught onto any of our routines. I’m basically embarrassing myself, and I have to go back next week! Anyways has made me wonder if I really want to do this forever. Up until recently I was sure that the only thing I’d ever want to do was be on Broadway. I couldn’t imagine myself in any other career. But a few months ago I started to ask myself, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life? Not only is making it on Broadway incredibly tough, but I don’t enjoy doing musicals like I used to. They’re just not fun anymore.

So, after five incredibly long days of frustration, I come home in a storm and posted that I’m giving up on musical theater on Facebook. Of course, this garnered a lot of feedback from many concerned thespians. So if you were one of those people, let me clarify things for you. For one, the difficulty of finding a job on Broadway is not the reason I’ve decided to stop doing musicals. If it was something I really, really wanted, I would work for it. But the thing is, I don’t want it anymore! As much as I love musicals, I just don’t think I’m cut out to be on Broadway. I’ll still do plays around the community as I’m still very passionate about acting (but again, not something I want to do as a career) and I’ll continue with voice and piano and keep writing original songs. That much won’t change.

But still, it’s a bit weird not having an all-time goal anymore. I used to have my entire life planned out: I’d go to NYU and major in musical theater. Then I’d go on auditions until I finally found a role. Now I don’t know what my career is going to be or where I’m going to college. I do realize I have time to figure it all out as I’m only a sophomore, but I like having a plan. However, I’ve been really thinking about becoming an elementary school teacher. I’d love to work at a nice private school like the one I went to up until 5th grade. I really love children, and I could see myself doing that. But then again, I don’t know. I guess I’ll end up wherever life takes me. 🙂

Allison, me, and Julia wearing really awful dresses at Ross. I love my friends.

Allison, me, and Julia wearing really awful dresses at Ross. I love my friends.

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8 Responses

  1. It’s funny to see how the universe evens out: until very recently I considered theatre nothing more than a hobby. It has only been in the last few weeks that I began to consider it as an actual, viable career option. How ironic is that? Granted, if I go into theatre, it will probably be for the sake of teaching it, as much as anything else. But I’m still starry-eyed enough to believe that, someway, somehow, I may be at the Gershwin some day.* I told my mom last night, very plainly, “I’m going to be in that [Sweeney Todd] some day. I’m going to be Mrs. Lovett.”
    But if it’s not YOUR dream anymore, that’s all there is to it.
    I hope you find a lot of plays to interest you. I’ve recently started doing a few more plays (as opposed to almost always doing musicals) and I really enjoy it. I’m hopefully going to audition for Arsenic and Old Lace pretty soon. We’ll see how that goes, as there are all of three female characters in that play, and two of them are elderly.

    Break a leg!

    *Not if Wicked is still playing there, though. My belt isn’t that strong!

  2. Ah, my dear. I remember being your age and SO fretting over what I was going to do with my life. Oddly enough, I’ve changed careers a MULTITUDE of times since then, and none of them were even slightly related to what I started out to do.

    It’s the most amazing thing about life.. you’ll NEVER really get a good course plotted. Which is more fun, when you think about.

    Compasses are overrated. 🙂

  3. God that feeling when you finally realise that everything you had ever thought was going to happen is what you want anymore. But seriously it is apparently a common thing, i have changed my dream in the last three years i think around four times.

    🙂 but good luck in finding your new passion.

  4. Nice blog! I want to be an elementry school teacher too!!!

  5. And also:
    I think it is very mature of you to realize that musical theatre may not be for you, but I would tell you not to give up on the theatre entirely. There are dozens of really awesome jobs out there that are just as creative as acting in technical and other artistic fields: Vocal coaching, dialect coaching, scenic painting, casting, Design (be it costume, makeup, scenic,lighting) etc. There is even Theatre Management, Dramaturgy, and Playwrighting programs out there.

    I only mention these because if you do truly love the theatre as I do, it might be harder than you think to give it up 😉

  6. Thanks so much. 🙂

    And I really am feeling a lot better about everything. The dance numbers at the workshop are coming faster than expected, and I really don’t think that I’m going to give up theater entirely. I was very frustrated at the time of writing, and although I won’t pursue Broadway as a career as I really don’t see myself doing that in the long run, I think musicals will be a part of my life for quite a while.

  7. I completely understand this.
    I was talking to a few people from Sweeney about this last week. I absolutely love theatre and everything about it.
    The people, the dancing, the singing, EVERYTHING!
    However, I just don’t think I could ever consider it as a career. I’m not knocking anyone who wants to do that for a living; it’s just not right for me.
    I don’t think I’ll ever be able to completely give up theatre, though. It’s fantastic 🙂
    I only realized this about a year or two ago. Ever since I was, like, 9, I wanted to be an actress or a rock star or a Broadway Baby. I’m still kind of confused about the direction my life is headed in. I mean, I have quite a few hobbies and interests but what to major in?! aaaah!
    Anyway, I don’t have a lot of advice.
    Just letting you know someone else is going through this, too.

  8. Awww, thanks Michaela. 🙂 You’re awesome. It’s really great to know I’m not alone here!

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