Oh, Akismet, how I love thee!

For those of you who don’t know, Akismet is a built-in WordPress feature that catches spam before it reaches the blog. Do you know what Cocoa’s Delightfully Dorky Weblog would be without Akismet? I certainly don’t know, but I have a feeling a lot of creepers would flock to my comments. Yes, sometimes Akismet screws up and filters out perfectly decent comments from people I know (like Marissa o_o), but most of the time the things I find in there either a) make no sense b) are somehow related to porn or c) are trying to sell me things. I’ve gotten a bunch of comments about my credit, vehicle insurance, and cable TV. Aren’t those the kinds of things telemarketers pester you about? Oh my Fran, I think they’re multiplying!!

I realize that the comments are programmed to hit any site that allows hyperlinks or comments, but the person who programmed them could at least have written out a decent sales pitch. Of course that may not be possible as I know nothing about spam, so don’t quote me on this! Still, if you’re trying to sell something over the internet or increase traffic to your oh-so-special little porn site, you could at least be friendly about it. Just giving random keywords and 4 or so links is even ruder. Really, guys. Really?

Oh, and then there are the pointless comments, like “cool site” or “your post means a lot to me, good point, now check out my site”. I don’t know how many of them are computer generated, but they’re still annoying as fluff. Today I found this in my spam filter:

Apologize for my bad english, I deem its a precarious piece of your writing. Well I obtain faced alot of difficulties in this term but your article will definately escape me in future. Thank You

What in the name of Fran IS that? Might I note that the guy’s website’s URL didn’t make sense either? It was just a bunch of random letters and obviously some sort of gimmick to get us to visit the guy’s virus-laden website!! Like I said before, if you’re going to spam my site in an attempt to steal my cookies or persuade me to buy satellite TV, at least make sense! Spammers, put forth some effort!

-C

Die. Now. I COMMAND THEE!!

Sorry you can't read Spam's text. Just click on the image to get a closer view.

Ps. If you’re another Viagra websites, I DO NOT NEED BIRTH CONTROL! In fact, I won’t need it for a quite a while, so leave me alone about it!

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7 Responses

  1. Now I want to check my spam filter!
    Off I go!

  2. Okay I checked it. out of the 24 I could see there was about 5 spammers, and the rest are all Marissa, and 1 Michelle! That made me laugh beyond belief! Oh M, you spammer!

  3. ASKIMET FILTERS ME OUT?! THAT MAKES ME SO SAD.
    But it IS super handy. And really amusing.
    HAHAHAHAH THAT PICTURE IS SO FUNNY.
    LOL YOU’RE GREAT.

    PS. Just read Marina’s comment: WHY AM I SUCH A SMAMMER? D:

  4. hahahaha yea i’m always being commented by my own blog just quoting it’s self and listing some odd text. I don’t get it, so i just delete it.

  5. I LOVE YOUR PICTURE 😀
    It’s cute!
    Can I have your face?

    Oh god, before askismet I always had spam. I really hated the ones in different languages. :X

    Stupid spam…

  6. LOL! Just went to check my akismet, and found a Marissa comment floating around.

  7. Sounds handy, if I ever make a blog, I’ll have to figure out how one obtains it. [though I don’t think I’ll ever make one because I’ve got such a short attention span 8D]
    That guy’s comment didn’t make any grammatical sense. o.o
    Maybe I’m just being dumb, but I really couldn’t find what it was supposed to mean. >.<
    Don't worry Cocoa, I won't try and steal your cookies~
    Viagra sends spam? =.=
    Such losers they are. Maybe they should observe who they're sending it to. I mean, what if they send it to a guy? What's HE going to do with Viagra? xD

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