You know your teacher has officially lost it when he puts Dolly Parton onstage.

Thank goodness it’s Friday! After drama ended, I came home and plopped down on the couch to catch up on some much-needed rest. Y’know, that mysterious foreign object I haven’t had had any contact with for quite a while. Well, I got rest when I was sick, but then I felt like I was about to die. Speaking of being sick, I’m a lot better now! Huzzah!

Anyways, have you ever read a really, really, REALLY horrible piece of writing? You know, something so immensely execrable that you just want to tear it into little bite-sized pieces? That describes the dialogue I was forced to read in drama tonight. Both my partner and I were cracking up at the cheesiness of it… that is, until we realized we actually had to get up and do it. Then we just felt nauseous. Do you want to know what this godforsaken dialogue was? A Dolly Parton song. A DOLLY PARTON SONG, PEOPLE. My partner and I were completely dumfounded as to why it rhymed until our teacher finally told us where it came from.  If you’re wondering, I believe the song  called Island in the Stream. Of course my teacher edited it to put it in complete sentences, but it was still awful. AWFUL, I TELL YOU!

It was especially hard finding the mood for THAT piece, especially during the little kiss during the middle (yes, we had to kiss while reciting a Dolly Parton song). Oh yeah, and the fact that the entire class was cracking up at the dialogue’s suckiness didn’t help much either. However, afterwards the teacher revealed that this was an exercise that teaches you how to cope when you’re given a ridiculously bad monologue. You know, how to develop emotions for it and all that. It greatly relieves me that he wasn’t serious with it. Can you imagine this being performed on stage? Really, can you? Oh, and disregard the singing trucks in the following video. I have no idea what that’s about.

All in all, putting Dolly onstage was a rather hilarious (if not slightly scarring) experience. Oh yeah, and something I never ever want to repeat in my entire lifetime. If you’re in theater (that means you, Marina!), have you ever had to perform a, for lack of a better word, a complete and utter piece of trash onstage? If so, tell me about it. However, I don’t think it can top my experience. Never again…


5 Responses

  1. lol dolly parton in drama!
    Oh dear that song is like the cheesiest thing

  2. Haha! I knew that sounded familiar… but I actually like the other version of Islands in the Stream.

  3. That’s horrible! I haven’t had to do anything horrible like that on stage, does wearing full body spandex for 7 performances count?

  4. OH LORD!

    Thank goodness he was just testing you…

  5. Marina, yes, that does count. Oy vey. XD Some of our costumes are insane. I’ve had to wear a wolf suit with faux fur I was allergic to… yikes. Oh, and once I had to wear completely black face makeup that wouldn’t come off. I was in 3rd or 4th grade, and the teacher tried to send me home because she thought I was sick thanks to the gray face. XD

    And Michelle, seriously…

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