The clowns liked my muffin top.

Last night was exceedingly interesting. You see, here in my town there’s a local haunted corn maze, and Bree, Allison, and I decided to go. Truth be told it’s really not that scary… it’s basically composed of teenage boys in masks running around with fake chainsaws.  The actors aren’t the best either. Many of them break character at the drop of a hat. For instance, the “Ring” portion of the maze was relatively creepy this year (for once). You had flashing lights, your basic Samara coming out of a hole and grabbing at you, et cetera, et cetera. Last year, though, I had no flipping idea what the guy (yes, guy) playing Samara was doing. If you’re wondering, it looked like this:

Yeah, sitting in your hole with your wig on backwards generally is not a recipe for fear. However, when you disregard the crappy acting and somewhat poor costumes, the maze IS slightly freaky. Being out there in the dead of night does give it a certain edge, especially when you’re waiting for a masked dude who may or may not have a roaring chainsaw to jump out at you. Also, having said masked dude stalk you for ten minutes is slightly unnerving as well. Now, I LOVE haunted attractions with a burning passion, but I’m also easily scared if I’m unable to use one of my calm-down tactics. Those tactics? Well, they all involve singing.

Put me in a haunted whatever and forbid me from singing and/or plugging my ears and I WILL freak out. I calm down if I’m able to belt out The Nanny theme song with my fingers in my ears, but otherwise… uh, I don’t do that well. Therefore, throughout the entire maze I was either singing under my breath or belting some tune into some poor, unsuspecting ghoul’s face. Putting on a funny accent (such as my Fran Drescher voice) and starting a conversation with the aforementioned ghoul also helps, but the singing strategy works best. Thankfully Allison and Bree gladly went along with this, so we went through the maze acting like idiots and annoying the heck out of the people around us. Still, I wasn’t scared! But there was this one time…

Towards the middle of the maze, there’s a ginormous clown tent. Guess what’s IN said clown tent? Yeah, clowns. Lots of evil, demented clowns hell-bent on scaring the living Fran out of me. Did I mention I hate clowns? So, in order to cope, I plugged my ears, froze on the spot, and sang Muffin Top (if you’ve never heard it, click the link!!) at the top of my lungs. I thought that, after a while, the clowns would move on to some other innocent maze-goer and I get out of there for good. Thankfully, Bree and Allison were good friends and sang with me for a few minutes. Soon, though, they decided to make a run for it and left me all alone. By this point the clowns had started to surround me, so I shut my eyes and continued my song. But guess what? Apparently my singing had amused the clowns. While my eyes were shut they completely lost their character and cracked up. Oh yeah, and they also called in everybody who happened to be near the tent, which incuded but was not limited to several security guards, Bree and Allison, various patrons, and other spooks in the general vicinity. They were all watching me stand there, hunched over, eyes shut, still singing Muffin Top . Once I opened my eyes, the clowns were all out of breath from laughing and I made a run for it.

Over the course of the night we managed to make several spooks laugh and/or break character, but that incident was definitely the funniest. I can only imagine how I looked. Best of all, a security guard at the end of the maze approached me and asked if I was the “singing girl”. Apparently the spooks will be talking about me for quite a while. So what are you guys doing this Halloween season? Any creepy attractions you’ll be visiting any time soon? How do you cope in a haunted house? Tell me all about it in the comments?

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4 Responses

  1. The singing girl?

    AWESOME!

    That’s a story to tell your grandkids 🙂

    Haha, your so much cooler than me

  2. Ahahahaha! No way. XD I am the anti-cool, seriously. Standing in the middle of a corn maze singing about boys wanting my cake for free is not something that cool people do.

  3. I disagree, I think it’s very cool 🙂
    And awesome and WINFULL(o.o what? xD)

  4. There were 2 clowns, thank you. It was very amusing though.

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