The Twilight post (you knew it was coming)

The Twilight saga is something you either love or hate. In fact, you could even go as far as to say there are two types of teenagers in this world- those who love Twilight and those who want to decapitate Stephanie Meyer and stick her head on the end of a pointy stick. Although I myself probably wouldn’t murder the author, I am not a Twilight fan. However, I’m not THAT opposed to it. Truthfully, if the books weren’t so buzzed about, I would be more like Switzerland- sitting back and milking cows while everyone else does the arguing. But now it’s like there’s no escaping it, which rather irks me. So for today’s post, I’ll give you a list of reasons why I am not a Twilight type of girl. And with all the buzz New Moon is (still) getting, I s’pose it’s only fitting…

Reason #1: The characters… oy.
The books aren’t that bad. They’re fine for an easy read. However, people make them out to be the next great American novel, so I have sat down and analyzed them from a literary standpoint. It’s not horrible- in fact, I quite like the concept. But the characters are bad. Really bad. Unfortunately, the bane of our heroine Bella’s existence is Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen, the sparkly, stone-cold boy toy of Twilight, is actually a 107-year-old pedophile who watches women while they sleep. I’m not kidding… the characters are void of any personality. But even though the writing isn’t top-notch, it’s just a silly little teen book. It can still be enjoyable, right? Yes, it most certainly could… if people would just shut up about it for five minutes.

Reason #2: EDWARD/JACOB WILL NEVER LOVE YOU (and neither will Robert Pattinson or Taylor Lautner)
I know some people who wear their Twilight hoodie (with the words “I don’t want to be a monster…” written on the back in smoky letters, of course) day after freaking day. And then there are the girls who hang 100+ Edward posters in their room and put fuzzy scarves on their Edward cut-outs “so they won’t get cold”. Oh, and then there are the girls who are thoroughly convinced their character of choice will leap through the pages and sweep them off their feet (or they’ll at least run into RPatz at Wal-Mart and things will go from there). Twilight fans have a tendency to take things way too far, therefore making it near impossible to just enjoy the books as the guilty-pleasure, lightweight read they were designed to be.

Reason #3: You DON’T want a vampire boyfriend. Trust me.
Still want to date Edward? I wouldn’t advise that. Why? Um, hello. HE’S A VAMPIRE! Vampires. Eat. People. If Edward were real, I think he’d behave a bit more like this…
He wouldn’t want to take that girl out to dinner. HE’D WANT TO EAT HER FACE. Therefore, vampire boyfriends are a big no-no in my book.

Reason #4: Robert Pattinson scares the living daylight out of me
When some girls look at Robert Pattinson, they see sex on legs. When other girls look at Robert Pattinson, they see a greasy twenty-something who needs to take a flipping shower already. Don’t believe me? Read this article. Also, he looks at the camera like it’s filet mignon or something. Or maybe he’s just stoned…

So what do you think? Are you a Twihard or do you find the books to be the AIDs of literature? Tell me about it in the comments. Don’t worry, all opinions are welcome, and you don’t have to sign up for anything to comment.

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12 Responses

  1. You forgot to mention that Bella is a total Mary Sue. Someone took the time to look up the characters’ scores on the Mary Sue Litmus Test, and if I can find the post I’ll give it to you… but anyway, they all scored in the 100s. A score of 50+ is, according to the site: “If your score is 50+ Kill it dead.”

    ‘Nuff said.

  2. Plus, Bella and Edward are mentally messed-up. If you read some articles about mental and social disorders then read the book, you find out quickly that they’re not right in their noggins.

  3. XD Dawn, that sounds really amazing. I am not surprised.

    And Rose, Bella and Edward are two very, VERY codependent individuals. o_o

  4. that’s so awesome! GAHH you need to tell me how to convert drawings into computer graphics on facebook!!!!

    πŸ˜€

    hahah twilight is so screwy

  5. Eh, before it got all the hype, I used to love Twilight. Then, I hated it for a while. Now, I don’t really care too much about it. The fans are annoying, yes, but the haters get on my nerves as well. Especially the ones that wish to “decapitate” SM as you put it. She wrote a book that happened to become really popular. Not her fault. If you don’t like it, don’t read it. Nuff said.

    The movies are bad, though, there’s no denying that. Spunk Ransom looks constipated throughout the entire thing.

  6. Jayna, I agree. I certainly don’t want to decapitate SM, and I wouldn’t have a problem with Twilight if it wasn’t EVERYWHERE. People just take it way too seriously.

  7. I agree with you. I’m just there as far as Twilight goes. I loved the first one when I read it. I liked the second and third okay. I never read the fourth. I don’t like the books, but if they would just stay out of my life I would be fine. Unfortunately, everywhere I go I see Robert Pattinson’s ugly face looking at me. Notice that I do not complain about seeing Taylor Lautner–shirtless, no less–everywhere I go. I need something to prove I’m a teenager.

    Anyways, back to Twilight: I have a few things things to add.
    One, I think the books would have been ten times better had they been about Alice and Jasper, who were at least more interesting than Edward and Bella.
    Two, Edward is emotionally abusive. He bullies Bella and is so freakishly overprotective that I’m surprised she gets to shower on her own. He has anger management issues, and he is less mature than many 17 year old guys, despite being 107 years old.
    Three, I find it telling that Edward is attracted to a girl who’s scent he is addicted to, and yet she is the only person in the world that he does not know completely and totally. The scent thing is especially worrisome, given that he is attracted to it because he wants to suck her blood. The ritual sucking of blood is, by tradition, a highly sexualized practice. What is this saying about their relationship?
    Four, remember that whole thing about how the sucking of blood is basically vampire sex? Edward sucks the blood of animals.
    Five, if I remember correctly, Edward’s reason for not laying Bella was because he was afraid he would be too violent/strong/whatever. I’m pretty sure he had bigger problems than that. I’m pretty sure he would have gotten caught up in the whole sex thing and eaten her.
    Six, Edward makes a complete moral change in the series. For the whole first three books Edward is the moral one. He won’t have sex with Bella until they are married. He is all about morals. And Bella just wants to get in his pants. From what I understand, when the baby (Seriously, Renesme?) starts to kill Bella during her pregnancy, Edward wants to kill the baby, and Bella becomes the moral one. Confused yet? I am.
    Seven, what’s up with the vampire babies? And is Renesme really anything but a plot device?
    Eight, why does Renesme grow freakishly fast? If she is the offspring of a human and a vampire, why doesn’t she grow incredibly slowly, or not grow at all?
    Nine, I don’t need to contemplate Jacob/Renesme love.
    Ten, why isn’t anyone bothered by the fact that Bella hears voices in her head?

  8. Leilani, I quite like your comments. Those are very good points. πŸ˜€ Yet again, Twilight is definitely not a bad book- it was meant to be a fun teen read. However, people who think it’s the best book ever seriously need to read what you just posted.

  9. everything you have said is true, and i think it has been taken way out of proportion. I read the first 2 books years ago and then the 3&4 before they got so popular and i enjoyed them, they were so ridiculous it was funny. I love the book Bella and in part Edward, i’m afraid i don’t care much about their mental state of mind in the book there is a connection shown and they are funny!

    The first film is rubbish i don’t like KS who plays Bella, there is no love connection shown between Bella and Edward and at no point does her expression change. However I do like RP mainly because he is, to me, good looking and British and done well for him self. TL i like because he is going out with Taylor Swift and that makes me smile.

    Overall a good read but yes in no way a life changing book. Happy New Year

  10. I don’t really care all that much for Twilight and I think if people just stopped talking about it it would go away. Did I enjoy reading the books? Sure, but that doesn’t mean I love it.

    It’s just annoying to see people yell at each other over it. If you hate it, fine, if you love it, fine but don’t bitch at each other. We all have our own opinions.

    And honestly if the people who hate it just stop talking about it the lovers would stop making such a big deal and the hype would go away or at least it would be shoved in a little corner where the fans accumulate and the general public can be spared. Then we can all be switzerland!

    Now about the books…they had a lot of issues but I could ignore them for the most part but then book 4 came out and it annoyed me to no end. It wasn’t even about the plot (rather the lack of one) or the characters it was the format that drove me nuts.

    Once you’ve established a format for your stories you cannot just RANDOMLY change it especially if you kept the same format for 3 books already. Jacob’s point of view bugged me to no end, you can’t just have some random character come in and take over the story. That is NOT allowed.

    X.X

    Okay I’m done. xD

  11. BAHAHAH I LOVED THE ARTICLE YOU LINKED!
    I’m basicly at the same stand point you are, it would be a good guilty pleasure, if people would just SHUT IT and not act like it’s the holy grail (if they you know, had the holy grail).
    I also think that Robert is disgusting. He is not sex-on-legs. I really don’t see what’s so great about him.
    WHO PUTS A SCARF ON THERE CUT OUT!? People these days.

  12. AIDS of Literature. I agree completely. I read Twilight. I thought “Meh, ok, that was all right. I don’t see much literary depth to it, but whatever.” I tried to read New Moon. Before I was 1/3 of my way into it, I stopped. I hated that book. If Twilight wasn’t such a big deal, I wouldn’t hate it with such a passion. But since it is a big deal, I’ve become immensely irritated.

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